how to unintentially make something that resembles parmesan cheese

Recipe for Unintentional Parmesan-Cheese-Smelling Substance:

1) Obtain about two litres of raw cream in a glass jar (or was it raw milk? err…)

2) Let it turn sour. Keep lid well sealed. Open occasionally and, after regaining breath, remark on its potency.

3) Chuck the jar in a dark corner of the shed. Forget about it for two to three months.

4) Go to discard the contents and clean the jar. Observe the fairly firm texture of the white substance that has congealed atop the clear liquid. Decide to play around.

5) Carefully drain off most of the liquid and provoke most of the rest of it to drip away by hanging in a cheesecloth bag over an unused sink for a week.

6) The result should be sticky and very pungent. Shape roughly into the shape of a cheese round. Place on a plate, loosely cover with the cheesecloth bag, and chuck in the back corner of the aforementioned shed.



7) Notice that it is gradually drying. Turn occasionally.

8 ) After a month or two, notice that it is developing a crust and has a smell vaguely like parmesan cheese. Consider the future prospects for this substance. Return substance to shed to ferment for at least another year, and celebrate the power of fermentation.

9) And they all lived happily ever after. The end.


2 thoughts on “how to unintentially make something that resembles parmesan cheese

  1. 10. After more than one year, having sampled it occasionally, decide that it is greasy in texture and sharp in flavor, thus inedible, so relegate it to the compost. Begin another experiment.

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